I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
