so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
