sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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