I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
