please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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