how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish there were birth control emojis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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