"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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