I am in a vortex of obligation.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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