Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
