we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
