He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
