I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
