do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
