I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
