I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
