she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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