I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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