I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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