I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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