Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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