4 words: hood of his car
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
