She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My feet surprised me
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