he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
