I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
