Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
