She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize