it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
FUCK WHALES
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
