im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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