you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
