so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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