I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
