ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize