as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
