Is it because I queefed?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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