Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
