it was like his penis was on wheels.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
