What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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