i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
