I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
