yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
