Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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