Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I am morally bankrupt
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
as a side note pls kill me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
