you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
