i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize