Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
