I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
