there's paper in my vomit.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize