NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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