I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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