i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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