I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this boner is exhausting
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
