The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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