she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
