He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
