Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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