After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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