My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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