After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
