I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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