There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
