its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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