fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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