There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
