my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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