i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
