is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
