I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
