She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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