Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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