the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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