I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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