Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
